Better Men: 5 Skills for the modern man
Modern men have many important things to learn. Without the common apprenticeships, a change in parenting, and the way young boys are treated as young men we have to adapt to fulfill our purpose as the world has been rebuilt in a way that doesn’t meet our needs. So what skills are necessary for life, why are they important and how do we build them?
Meekness: Meekness is strength restrained. At least that is my favorite definition of it. It combines ability with humility, power with being moderate, and danger with peace. To be meek is to be confident, capable of action, and in being powerful but that is tempered with being humble, patient, and peaceful in nature. It is the quality that gains you recognition from your elders and those more experienced than yourself and the quality that people innately seek in a leader. This is a skill that takes practice. You must be mentally adept, capable of change, you must be in shape, and capable of action, you must have skills, not at an expert level but enough to help a beginner but you must not show off those skills instead merely let your work talk. It takes someone who is level-headed and patient in difficult situations. I am working on meekness still. I am naturally impatient, I can be quick to anger, and sometimes my head gets too big. I have realized though that when I am able to project my competence without coming off cocky when I am able to be patient in difficult situations, and when I am capable of rebuking, destroying, or defeating another but I choose to restrain it not only am I a happier person but I also gain more recognition, more friends, and more business contacts.
Networking: Many people think of networking as going to some meet-up or event to rub elbows with others. This may work for some but I have found that most people at those events are in the same situation as you, they have no network. Networking in my opinion comes more naturally and takes more effort. The best way to network is through employment and business relationships. You can gain access to both very interesting and very competent individuals through your jobs, whether it be a contractor for the business you work for, a local politician that is friends with the owner, a high-powered real estate agent, or a well-connected business that sells parts to the company you work for. Looking for people you interact with in the business world that are easy to work with, successful at what they do, and who go above and beyond their duties is the goal. To do this though you must also step up to their level. I have found that being friendly and talking about hobbies/family/your life with these people, having a strong work ethic, and when one of these people helps you out in any way returning the favor with a gift card to a coffee shop helps a ton. Over time you can build these relationships into a strong network that allows you to change career paths, start businesses, or meet others is a great way to build your network. If they ask for help, from you it means they see you as someone worth working with, help them out with this if you can, and give them a deal, advice, or great service/products as you are able. There is no telling when they will be able to return the favor. The key here is not to do this purely for gain but to see your efforts as a way to build a friend, help another out, and as an investment in your own future.
Finances: Getting ahold of your financials is key as a man, you need to establish both for your future and for your spouse that you are honorable, diligent, and trustworthy. Eliminate your debts, and live with your parents if you need to help yourself save money. Pay off your credit card(s) every month. Go out with friends but do not spend money while out. Buy a house. It is possible to go and do it. It will be the greatest financial decision you have ever made. Make a budget. Live like no one else (being frugal and wise with your money) so that your future self can live like no one else (because they are free of the financial strain caused by being wasteful with your money). By a used car, fix things yourself, by generic brand food, cook yourself instead of going out. There are so many ways to save money. At the same time, do what you can to increase your income. Remember the goal is not money it is to be wise, to be freer, and to invest in your future. Short-term desires will be long-term regrets, long term sacrifices will be unending gratitude. Weigh your time versus the money you spend. If you make $20 an hour that $5 cup of coffee is 15 mins you are never getting back. Think about your money as time, increase the value of your time by bringing in more money per hour and/or saving more money from being wasted. After college, my first financial decision was to live with my parents until I could buy a house because I saw rent as throwing money away. I asked my parents if I could live rent-free until I did that and they graciously said yes. I also gave them a time frame. Two years or I start paying rent. I gave myself a financial goal, freed myself from a large financial burden, and put pressure on myself so that I would follow through. Think about your finances in this way and you will be on the path toward financial freedom.
Handyman: I cannot believe how many times I have saved hundreds if not thousands of dollars by learning skills from co-workers, business contacts, and friends. Being a handyman is more than just knowing how to fix/build a bunch of different things, it is much more about a thirst for knowledge related to skills. When I quit graphic designing I knew I was good with my hands, had an eye for detail, and wanted to learn life skills I could use around the house. I went out and got a job landscaping so I could get in shape, work outside, and learn. On my first day there I told the foreman, “I am down to do anything but I don’t just want to be a shovel, I want to learn any knowledge I can learn and gain any skill that can be gained. If that means the math of the irrigation, the ability to operate machinery, or merely learning to drive a stick.” It was the best thing I could have done, any time we did something new, the foreman would explain it to me and if I had follow-up questions he would gladly answer them. In a few months I had learned how to operate a skid steer, drive a dump truck, operate a back-hoe, operate a trencher, and operate an excavator, figure out how many heads were needed on a line, the best way to plant trees, how to fix a sprinkler head, how to fix broken pipes, how to grade dirt, build paths, and move/layout decorative boulders with machinery in tight spaces. Now I would have seen this and probably picked up a few things here and there without the handyman mindset but it was what pushed me to ask questions and clarify directions as well as put myself out there to gain new opportunities within that job that most people didn’t get. I have done this with a woodworker, tile layer, and artist. I now know how to landscape, spot weld, repair irrigation, lay tile, put up drywall, texture drywall, build furniture, paint a house, and probably a few other skills I am forgetting. I aim to be able to fully build a house on my own one day, not only has this mindset gained me money through employment, it has saved me tons in costs around the house. Whether it is a closet organization that my wife needs me to build for our daughter’s things, a hole in the drywall, designing and building the landscaping for my parents, or any other variety of things I am able to do it myself instead of hiring the workout. It makes me feel useful to my family (both immediate and extended), for my friends, and it gives me new opportunities and career paths to explore. Go find someone you can work for that will teach you some valuable skills, teach you how to use a few tools or machines, and give you a way to help your network that most people are unable to do. If you cannot go out and learn it from someone directly go onto youtube the next time something needs fixed and learn how to do it there, try it for yourself, and maybe it will go better than expected, the more you do something the better you will get at it. Go learn to shoot a rifle, tie a lure on a fishing line, set up a tent, fix a faucet, repair a sprinkler, or build a table. These things not only will be useful skills in life but also may help you get over any obstacles you are facing in other areas of your life. Learning a new skill requires our brain to and helps us adapt that rewiring in other aspects of our lives to solve problems. Our brains are wired to solve problems.
Honesty: Live your life with honesty. Be honest with God, yourself, your spouse, and your business relationships. Honesty can be taken advantage of but most people desire to work with and be around honest people. Dishonesty to yourself and your own goals will be a huge weight on your shoulders, dishonesty in your relationships will lead to problems and antagonism, and dishonesty with your employer and business relationships will erase opportunities. Be honest in everything you do, live within the narrow path of honesty and in the long run you will find the people who matter, gain opportunities you never dreamed of, and be trusted by people who are beneficial to your life. You will have no conflict in your own mind or soul if you live honestly. Dishonesty is the quickest way to see your life fall apart and it is the steepest most slippery of slopes. Integrity is something that is hard to gain and easy to lose, it is a tool that can propel you forward in life. It’s like a credit score in the minds of the people you interact with, it will open or close doors depending on your rating. In South Korea, all business deals are done with a handshake, with no lawyers, no paperwork, just integrity. The culture of honor and shame there makes it nearly impossible to succeed if you are untrustworthy. Our system is built differently but you have an advantage in life if you are one of the few truly trustworthy people. Your integrity is your life credit score and it will make or break you.